Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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