the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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