I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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