I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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