This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
