we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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