I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
