And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
