I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
