I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
