It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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