Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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