How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
