I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
