I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
