Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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