Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Two words: nipple clamps
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