Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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