I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
