This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
