Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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