Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
