is your mom at the bar?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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