My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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