this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
