Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
