just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
