What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
