so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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