Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
