Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
