She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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