Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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