so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
