i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
