I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
