11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
