Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
