This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
