i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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