I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
