Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
