Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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