Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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