she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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