Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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