Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
