i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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