That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
