It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
