I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
