Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
