NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I could fuck to npr.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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